It seems like everyone is in a relationship… but you. You have a great circle of friends, an awesome job, and you take care of yourself.  But there doesn’t seem to be a single person out there that you click with.  Here are some possible reasons that may keep you from a relationship.

YOU ARE TOO BUSY
When we have agendas filled with countless tasks, a job that keeps us busy even on weekends, and a bunch of errands, it’s hard to put time into meeting people.  Plus, if your personality is always focused on getting things done and you put on an “I’m too busy for you” image, even friends feel bad to take up your time.  People who may want to be with you end up feeling a bit intimidated by your busy schedule and refrain from asking you out.  Even when busy, you can meet a lot of people in cafes, restaurants, and even the gym.  Don’t be so absorbed in your Blackberry that you ignore that cutie sitting across from you.

YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE
With an attitude like “I’ll never find love,” you end up wallowing in self-pitying and creating a low self-esteem for yourself.  You set up your own failure in relationships due to lack of confidence.  If you haven’t heard of “The Secret,” you really need to start rocking a positive attitude so people can feel the love in you.  Believe that you are worth it and that you can find someone.  Love yourself and the right person will come at the right time.

YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT
If your attitude is always about what you want and need, then there is no room for another person in your life.  Being in a relationship is about sharing your life with another person and compromising during all sorts of disagreements.  Nobody wants to be with another person who only focuses on themselves and is inconsiderate of others.  Learn to be open, giving and generous in order to open your heart to someone else instead of being just in love with yourself.

YOU WANT IT TOO BADLY
If you spend all your time on match-making websites and talk constantly to your family and friends about needing a boyfriend or girlfried so badly, it gets a bit revolting.  People you date can smell that scent of desperation and run the other direction.  Focus on working out, advancing your career, and channeling your energy towards self-improvement instead of having a “plus-one.”  Good relationships happen when you least expect it.

YOU ARE TOO PICKY
Sometimes setting standards too high may end up hurting your potential future in romance.  Being too judgmental or critical about their movie or food choices is a small thing.  Mr. Right does not exist.  There will always be those red flags that tell you he is wrong for you, but rethink what you really want in a person in regards to attitude, character, future plans, and how he treats his family.  Don’t nix a guy because he has funny hair (it grows out), a weird laugh (it can become endearing), or an affinity for odd hobbies (it can actually be enjoyable)!  Sometimes you will find that the guy you end up falling in love with has all the traits you never knew you’d always wanted.

YOU CHOOSE TO BE
Finally, a reason why you are single is because you choose to be.  Instead of trying to find Mr. Right, you are working on your own goals in life and career.  You are not so concerned with the pressure of finding a mate, but rather, you believe in being patient and investing in a relationship that’s really going to last.  You don’t want to just settle down; you want to explore life without a commitment that you are not ready for.  And you know what?  That is absolutely fabulous.  Don’t do what you think you are supposed to do, but do what you believe is right for yourself.  And if it doesn’t involve an engagement ring or the perfect two story home, so be it.

Elana has been in a serious relationship with her boyfriend, Andrew, for a year and a half. He makes her laugh. She’s supportive of him. They enjoy each other’s company. Things between them are great, until Elana’s friends call her to hang out. Then Andrew gets upset that Elana spends too much time with her friends.

When we’re in relationships, it’s very easy to slip into cloud 9 and ignore the rest of the world — but eventually we’ll realize that we’ve missed and want to enjoy the company of our old friends. What happens though when your significant other asks you to choose between him or them?

Undeniably, this is a tough decision. Is it possible to enjoy the company of everyone without offending anyone? Yes.

LET BOYFRIENDS BE FRIENDS
It’s easy to avoid meeting his friends and him meeting your friends when you’re in a relationship with each other. But if you want a supportive and welcoming relationship (with your boyfriend and friends), you’ll want both parties to feel at ease when they are together. Here’s what you can do:

• Meet his friends.
• Hang out with him and his friends.
• Become their friends.
• Ask that your boyfriend do the same with yours.
• Encourage each other to spend time with your respective group of friends.

Granted, there will be occasions when you want to exclusively hang out with one or the other, but there’s no need to always have to awkwardly choose between your boyfriend and your friends. In a serious and healthy relationship, your significant other should be able to put forth the effort to respect and become friends with your buddies. Bear in mind, however, that this applies to you as well… so be smart and avoid this ultimatum.

Happy loving!

Weddings and happily-ever-afters are affairs sought and fantasized by most women.  It’s in our social DNA to want to have beautiful weddings and fairy tale endings after we say “I do.”  There’s a problem, however, if our significant others are just not that… ready.  These wedding cake toppers (shown right) may seem humorous — until you realize that’s exactly how your boyfriend reacts whenever you mention the “M” word.  So spare yourself the stress and hold your thoughts of wedlock until he’s ready.  Here are three sure signs for you to avoid matrimony.

HIS FAMILY IS A MYSTERY
He’s never introduced you to his family.  You think he has siblings, or so he tells you, but you’ve never met them or even “friended” them on Facebook.  This is fine if you’ve just barely started dating the dude, but if you two have been going steady for two years, it’s a problem.  Unless he’s personally distant from his family (or doesn’t want to take the relationship to the next level of commitment), there’s no reason why he should be keeping you or them a secret.

HE’S NOT FINANCIALLY READY
Let’s face it, weddings can be costly these days.  Unless your ideal wedding is to elope in Las Vegas, he’s probably not ready to pop the question until he has more dough saved up.  This can be a good sign, because it can indicate that he’s planning ahead and doesn’t want to jump the gun before he’s reached financial stability.  But if he’s spending most of his paycheck fixing up his car… be concerned.  His priorities do not include you.

HE STILL WANTS TO BE “ONE OF THE BOYS”
It’s boys’ night every other night, and you’re not invited.  If his ears perk up when one of his buds mentions going on another spontaneous trip or crashing the local frat party with the fellas, your man is not ready to settle.  And if he is not mature enough to make that decision on his own, don’t try to convince him he needs to.  Don’t try to tie a man down when he’s not ready, it’s a formula for disaster.  If he’s 30 and still acting like he’s 21, he’s definitely on the immaturity spectrum.

So if your friends and cousins are getting married, attend their weddings and be happy for them — but don’t start planning your own wedding if your S.O. isn’t in the same boat yet!

• Not ready for the “M” word yourself but want to gauge his commitment?  Read He’s Not Committed If…

Images credit: The Knot.com

For those of you who have been too busy to plan your sweetheart’s Valentine’s gift, Animoto has the perfect solution for you! This online application allows you to easily create professional-looking videos using your own photos and music.  Animoto’s “Cinematic Artificial Intelligence” technology thinks and produces like a real director and editor — except the process is 10x easier.

The good news is you won’t have to sit at your computer all day trying to edit a video (as some of us have attempted before).  Animoto tailors to your needs for simplicity and quality with its clean web-interface and easy instructions…it’s so simple to use that creating a video can literally takes minutes. Too lazy to upload photos?  They’ve got you covered. Instead you can select to import your photos from popular online photo-sharing services like flickr, facebook, SmugMug, Picasa, and photobucket. Animoto also recently landed a partnership with istockphoto to allow its customers the option to import photos from these categories: Birthday, Valentines, Travel, Nature, and Scenes.  So if you’re not satisfied with your own sappy mugs, now you can mix ‘n match them with professional photos to get that flawless finish.

Really, it’s so simple.  Here’s all you have to do:

1. Choose your photos
2. Choose a soundtrack
3. Create your perfect video presentation
…. just in time for Valentine’s Day

Keep your photo selections to under 15 pictures for a FREE 30 second video.  Longer (low resolution) videos cost about $3.00, but you can also upgrade to a high resolution version for another $5.00.  Not too shabby.  Give it a try and make a Valentine’s memory that both lasts and has its own soundtrack.  Learn more >>

The Valentine’s date seemed to be going fine. Great, actually.  John and Samantha (names have been changed to protect the identity of these individuals) were sharing a fabulous evening that started with dinner at a trendy restaurant, followed by live jazz music accompanying wine.  Not too bad for a first date.  As the evening approached an end, John invited Samantha upstairs for some coffee and asked, “Are you interested in a threesome with my ex?”

Oh no he didn’t!

There are some things men should NOT do on any given date, much less on Valentine’s Day.  Whether you are set up on a blind date or have been with someone for eons, here are some major no-no’s for Valentine’s Day.

He gives you stale old chocolates.

It’s a sad state when men buy boxes of chocolates and distribute them like business cards.  Or saves them for the following year.  Tasteless and without class.  This goes for flowers that are so quickly picked from the garden that you actually still see dirt in the roots. At least have the decency to clean them up!

He gives you a gift his ex rejected.

The pendant with “Jenny” engraved on it when your name is Marsha is a major no-no.  Same as the ring that doesn’t fit your fingers (hello, he can find your size ahead of time).  You know a gift is not given especially for you when it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t match, or it looks half-as*ed.

He gives you a toaster.

Unless you asked for it, there better not be a kitchen appliance under that gift wrap.  Be creative!  BE ROMANTIC!  Valentine’s Day is the day to express your love.  Leave the toaster for a random act of love in April or something.  Romantic gifts include homemade cards, silk pajamas with lace, a delicate piece of jewelry, or a CD with your favorite songs as a couple — not kitchen appliance from Kitchenaid.

He expects sex.

Valentine’s Day is not about getting laid, although many modern men have been conditioned to think it so.  They somehow have equated the valuation of dinner and movies as an exchange to get into a girl’s pants.  Instead of feeling obligated to be generous with your body, be respectful of your body and integrity.  Never sleep with someone because you feel lonely or because Valentine’s Day (and a few drinks) has created some expectation of love making.  If sex was never on your agenda, send him home.

He didn’t make reservations.

We all know about the two hour waits at restaurants on Valentine’s Day for poor idiots who didn’t call ahead of time.  He should have called and made reservations.  That means he didn’t think ahead or care enough to make that simple effort to ensure that the evening would go smoothly.  Even a dinner cooked at home would be just as romantic and fun — as long as he planned it.

He’s super late.

Usually when someone is late to meet you, they have prioritized other things instead prioritizing you.  There is the rare occurrence of a car accident, a family death, or a major storm, but generally, he just was not making you his number one.

All kidding aside, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love. It doesn’t matter what he gives you or where he takes you, as long as you both want to spend that day together. It can be spontaneous or planned meticulously based on your personalities.  It can be romantic or it can just be incredibly chill and worry-free.  Be conscious about what you like about the person and don’t sacrifice who you are to fabricate a romantic evening.

How about you?  What are your deal breakers for Valentine’s Day?

Looking for the perfect Valentine’s gift for your conscious sweetheart?  Here are some snob-approved ideas to help you out.

1. Nix the butchered stems and keep the vase.

Flowers can make a sweet Valentine’s gift — but after a few days, the wilted and droopy blooms can be a sad state.  This Valentine’s, forget the bouquet and send your love some potted blossoms.  Potted orchids are beautiful alternatives to roses, and better yet they can continue to bloom year after year.  If your special someone isn’t keen on flowers, how about a love fern? Remember the good consequences that followed in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?

2. Adorn her with something unique.

Tiffany’s is certainly a popular favorite, but this Valentine’s get her something every other girl won’t have.  Check out Etsy.com for handmade crafts and jewelry pieces that come from an array of creative designers.  It’s a great place to find something beautiful — at the right price.

3. Profess your love virtually and save a tree.

With so many online cards and videos, you can express your love without the traditional mandatory Valentine’s card.  You can email your sweetheart an animated V-day card every hour if you want, or for something even more personalized, profess your feelings for him or her in a Youtube video or a sappy slideshow.  Need inspiration?  There’s plenty of them online already, so scope out a few before you get started on your own.

4. Fix her sweet tooth with organic goodness.

Does your lover love chocolate?  Seal the deal with a box of organic chocolate this year.  The shelf life won’t be as long…but the delectable chocolates will be worth every bite.  When did chocolate take too long to finish anyways?  Added plus, you can help consume the sweets so that it’s finished in a timely fashion.

5. Relax with a couple’s massage.

There’s nothing better than helping your love relax… and sharing the experience with him/her.  Most day spas offer couples massages for sweethearts to enjoy a relaxing hour besides one another.  And frankly, what’s better than unwinding with a Swiss massage before your Valentine’s dinner?

For more ideas, be sure to read Sexy Snob’s “Valentine’s Day: Make it Special” article.  And remember, Valentine’s is just a reminder to celebrate your love every day!

The true origin of Valentine’s Day has yet to be confirmed, although stories have been told of saints named Valentine who left love notes to their beloved before they were martyred.  Despite its unknown origin, the meaning of Valentine’s Day stays strong: celebrate and cherish love.

Valentine’s Day has been washed out and over processed by marketers in an effort to sell cheap cards, sugary confections and sparkling stones from the diamond industry.  Skip the commercials and ads and use the day as a reminder to appreciate loved ones.  It’s not about what is received, but what is given and what is understood.  In a struggling economy, the silver lining helps individuals discover that material wealth and gifts are meaningless and even tacky.  This Valentine’s Day, let love overpower the need for trinkets and roses and do something sweet not just for loved ones, but for the community at large.  During times like these, love is what will pull us through.

A Valentine’s Day Idea List to get you started:

Revisit a favorite restaurant. It doesn’t have to be the priciest, Zagat-rated restaurant. Make a reservation at your favorite joint and enjoy a wonderful meal that’s guaranteed to be delicious.  You and your loved one will get to relax, have a great meal, and support your local business.

Feeling more adventurous? Try some new food. This may be the time to try that new restaurant that has the town buzzing.  Or maybe you can try to cook something new at home.  Share the excitement and decision by having your significant other scope Yelp for the proper reviews if you guys decide to dine out.  You can even whip up dessert while you chop away for a sweet dinner at home.

Plan a romantic hideaway. Since Valentine’s Day falls on a weekend, it’s a great time to plan a short getaway weekend somewhere in your area.  Get away from the traffic, the internet, and the stresses of daily life.  Book early and take advantage of a great deals waiting to be snapped up.

Go outdoors and enjoy the sun. Go to the beach or hike a new trail.  Pack some delicious food for a romantic picnic under the trees and don’t forget to bring your point-and-shoot to capture the moment.  Plan ahead and make sure you bring all the gear to avoid mishaps.  This means pack the mosquito spray, dear.  You don’t want any unwanted pests ruining your day!

Give some love to the community by spending the day doing a charitable action.  Volunteer at a local shelter or participate in a beach clean-up.  Visit seniors or orphans and pass out cards to people at the hospital.  You can also spend some time together looking for an organization you want to help and donate the money to the organization instead of buying gifts for each other.  But don’t stop there– continue to contribute income or time to these causes on a regular basis.  Visit Charity Navigator to find a cause close to your heart.

Sweet Gift Ideas (for those who MUST have gifts):

Think outside the typical flowers and chocolates. Be creative.  If you are the type that believes Valentine’s Day is over-rated, chances are you probably want to use a bit more brain juice to surprise your date.  Here are a few suggestions from The Conscious Snob team:

1. Hand make a card and attach some “special gift certificates.”  Offers can include 30 minute massages, a kiss to be remembered, sunset at the beach, or even a wild card!
2. A fabulous dinner creation by you
3. Watch your favorite movie
4. Dance to your favorite love song
5. Dedicate a song on the radio
6. Put together a slideshow of your favorite moments together
7. Compose a song or poem dedicated to your loved one
8. Create a story book about how you two met, with illustrations and all
9. Make a YouTube video to proclaim your love
10. Write love notes and hide them throughout his or her home to be discovered on that day.  You can even make it into a scavenger hunt where the prize at the end is you wrapped in a bow

(If you have more, please share with our readers by leaving a comment below)

Is there anything that your loved one needs? A pair of shoes, pajamas, or a new computer?  Have some discreet conversations to see if there’s anything they really want.  But please avoid toasters or other household appliances.  Shaking a finger at that one.

For jewelry lovers and those who want to give that special something, go for organic materials and gems that have been certified as conflict-free.  Tiffany’s and Brilliant Earth offer great diamonds and gold jewelry.  You can also visit antique jewelry fairs to find a truly unique and special item that steers clear of the norm.  You also get to rejuvenate an old heirloom and make it your own.

Whatever you decide to do, relax and have a great time with your sweetie. Remember, let Valentine’s Day be a reminder to express your love and appreciation for your loved one every day, not just on February 14!

When you look in the mirror what do you see?  An extra five pounds beseeching yet another New Year’s resolution to lose weight?  A look of distaste that you’re still wearing last season’s fashion?  Why does it seem like women are always quick to point out the negative and forgetful of things otherwise wonderful and great?  Why does every new year prompt resolutions for change and transformation? Why do women not start the new year reminding themselves to continue being what they love about themselves? Understandably there’s always room for improvement and bad habits to kick for good, but constant self-criticism is NOT the way to celebrate yourself or the new year.

Instead of the continuous need to “be better,” we should remind ourselves to be happy with the way things are now, grateful for what we have instead of wistful for what we want.  In 2009, don’t allow yourself to starve for a high school reunion and don’t force yourself into debt for a new wardrobe makeover.  Let this new year be about loving you for who you are.

Take time periodically to think about all the great things that DO exist in your life and be thankful. You probably already have more clothes, shoes, makeup and jewelry than you can remember.  You may also have some great friendships or a fabulous job that you love.  Appreciate and make the most of what you have.  If you’re craving for something new or different, mix and match your wardrobe, try out new things with your friends, or seek out a new opportunity at work.  This is a year to treasure what you already have and to appreciate the simple joys of life. So go out there into the new year and love yourself!

There is always room for growth, but don’t forget what is already great NOW. There is always the need to be better than others. Competition lies in our genetic code.  The drive to be a part of the fittest and the finest is intrinsic to being human.  We want to be smarter, prettier, taller, funnier, and happier than those around us — but if we keep comparing ourselves to others,  we’ll never be satisfied.  Keeping up with the Joneses will only make you more miserable.  Forget how others are living and look at how you are living.  If it’s already great, why change?  While it is always necessary to assess what areas in life need improvement, there’s a fine line between self-improvement and self-demoralization.  Signing up for the gym is great if you know it will improve your health, but signing up just so you can be thinner than your roommate will not lead to deep personal satisfaction. 

You’re great the way you are. Really!  A part of us loves us, and another part is a perfectionist that rears its head at the most unexpected times.  One moment we give ourselves a smile and wink at our reflection and another moment we might give a snarl and a sigh.  Take time every morning to make yourself look your best so that everyday has a beautiful, energetic start.  If wearing glasses and sweats to the office makes you feel sluggish and gross, then take the time to put on contacts and slacks to boost your confidence and self-esteem.  You are a strong and engaging human being, so don’t sell yourself short.

Build confidence. So the next time you go to the mirror, look at yourself again and give a big smile.  Be confident that the person you see in front of you is someone that is seen as beautiful by others as well.  Know that you have control and power over how you feel and how you project yourself to others.  By loving yourself, the relationships you build are rooted in genuine friendship and love instead of resentment or jealousy.  By setting an example, you can help others see themselves in a new light.

Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with someone without the emotional involvement, and is it healthy?

Usually called “friends with benefits,” “casual relationships,” or (forgive the profanity) “f*ck buddies,” these terms are used to define two people who choose to have a sexual relationship without the formality and commitment of a serious relationship.  It can be monogamous, long-term, or sporadic.  Why do these relationships exist? For people who mutually want the casual intimacy without the full responsibilities and drama that can come with commitment.  Whether it’s a lack of commitment or a lack of interest, these casual relationships have worked for some — but will it work for you?

You may be considering venturing into this because you want your sexual desires fulfilled without having to deal with feelings, or perhaps you know you don’t want to commit to the person because he’s not the guy you ultimately want to be with.  Your “f*ck buddy” is your temporary, no-strings-attached, quick solution for physical intimacy. As Carrie stated in the second season of Sex and the City as she contemplated her own casual relationship:

“A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn’t really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of… keep him on call.”

But before you experiment with this transient relationship, make sure you ask yourself whether it’s really the route to go? And, what happens if you actually want to be in a relationship, but not with this “friend”?

Many people have successfully had a “friends with benefit” relationship, but some have also found it hard to have such intimacy without any prospect of a future together.  Emotions can naturally generate from sex because it’s hard to disconnect sex and the feelings of attachment that can eventually occur.  As Helen Fisher describes in her book Why We Love?, the chemistry behind love and sex can be difficult to repress.

“Stroking and massage trigger the production of oxytocin and the endorphins, brain chemicals that can relax and produce feelings of attachment. [...] And with orgasm, the brain releases oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men — chemicals associated with feelings of attachment.”

Studies discussed by the New York Times have shown that people initiate these “friends with benefits” relationships to create a safe environment where no commitment was needed.  However, most people end up growing fear that they will start having feelings that will not be reciprocated.  One person might end up becoming more attracted to the other, and this builds stress into a relationship that should have been otherwise “carefree.”

More prevalent on college campuses, many young adults are choosing the casual route as well.  In Hooking Up, Kathleen Bogle, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University, provides insight on the casual sex trend that is taking place in a lot of colleges, stating that campus life promotes this behavior, diminishes the tradition of true relationships, and how it will negatively impact the emotional well-being of the people involved in this behavior.

Short term relationships that are strictly physical without the emotional attachment may work, but long term relationships seem most unhealthy.  If someone has spent months or years with a friend purely for sexual satisfaction without true commitment, it robs each person from the potential of real love.  Unless the person truly believes they will never want a committed relationship, feelings will be hurt, and drama will arise.  CNN wrote a piece last month about how to properly pursue a casual relationship, and it includes no real conversation, no real meals together, and no socializing — a truly detached relationship.  These tips help decrease any emotional involvement, but does not guarantee it.

If you find yourself in this situation, consider these questions before you get too involved.  Remember, it’s your heart at stake.

• How long do I see this going for?
• Do I eventually want to be in a relationship?
• Do I really want a committed person as opposed to just a “friend”?
• How would I feel if the other party started a new relationship with someone else?
• Can this relationship go back to “normal” after we quit the sex?

Casual relationships can be fun and playful initially, but tread carefully.  It’s easy to see that a drama and commitment-free relationship can yield a lot of satisfaction, but it would also be irresponsible to not see the emotional consequences.

Where do you stand on “friends with benefits?”

Every household is different but living with your significant other surely will bring issues regarding housekeeping.  In some homes, couples split the chores.  In other homes, the women do all the housework.  Then there are those who opt to hire maids and housekeepers to take care of the dirty work for them.  Where do you stand?

There should be a balance on who does what and, most importantly, there needs to be a compromise.  If you feel you are doing way too much, don’t hesitate to voice that you need help.  There is a thin line between being a significant other and a maid, especially if you are living with your boyfriend/husband.  Figure out a system where both of you can contribute.  This prevents developing resentment and allows you guys to avoid nasty words like “nag,” or worse yet, “mom.”  If both of you work full-time, then chores should be shared.  Look at both of your schedules and the amount of free time you guys each have — then divide housework accordingly.

Physical limitations also effect the chores you do. If you have a back problem, perhaps he should help with groceries or taking out the trash.  Having a new manicure is no excuse.  Suck it up, put on some gloves, and wash those dishes.  Make the most of your skills.  If you’re more savvy with budgeting and finances, then you can take care of the bills and overall spending while he cleans the cars.

In the end, your relationship is more important than who cooks dinner.  It’s about figuring out what works for both of you, putting effort into making one another happy, and making each other feel special.  This is the person you are choosing to be with, through thick and thin, laundry and dusting.

Again, where do you stand?