A key element of a conscious snob is the ability to recognize and be educated about our decisions.  What we choose for our lives should enrich our quality of life and help us grow as better people for our family, friends and the community in which we live.  We have all the power to choose our paths and influence those around us, but it’s also this freewheeling ability that compels me to write about being “spoiled.”

There have been more young adults in this generation than any other who have a sense of entitlement in this world.  They feel that they deserve so much — as they should, if they’re alluding to the hope of fulfilling their potential and achieving that American dream — but what I’ve found troublesome is that this air of entitlement is rooted for many youth in material goods and VIP privileges.  It’s been noticed that the new generation of young adults expect certain luxuries in their lives — luxuries that most people in the world do not have.  From a brand new car from mom and dad to fabulous and expensive gifts from their significant other, this new generation is going to realize something: they will be disappointed if materialism is the basis of their contentment.

What does it mean to be spoiled? Being spoiled means having a lot of things go your way emotionally and materially.  When you have people too often doing things for you and buying things for you, there’s a good chance that you start expecting these favors instead of appreciating them.  It’s not a requirement for your boyfriend and parents to get you gifts.  It is a show of love, appreciate it and don’t let it get to your head.

If someone is too spoiled, their quality of life becomes too indulgent on unimportant things and they risk forgetting the importance of things that really matter.  If you become too demanding of material things that you want or feel you deserve, you lose sight of the truly beautiful things that cannot be bought.  It becomes a vicious cycle of buying things to feel better and to fill the void where love, trust and commitment should be, only to feel empty after the shopping “high.”

We start to expect these things rather than really work towards them or even appreciate them.  Despite the recent economic downturn, the young and old still earning a good salary continue to book lavish vacations and their flat screen plasma TVs, because they “deserve it.”  Entitlement is an awful weakness.  If you can only stay in five star hotels or only wear “real” jewelry or scoff at H&M or Target clothes, you are spoiled.  Get a reality check– these things don’t matter.

Are our expectations too high?  Should we rely on being spoiled by these material things as a true definition of happiness and love?  I am absolutely in favor of indulgences, as long as they are controlled.  I also believe in making your own realities come true.  If I want that Hermes bag, I will do what it takes to have it, and now I own three– WITHOUT the help of daddy or a credit card.  I don’t think I deserve these bags.  I just appreciate them, want them in my collection and use them well.

You can be spoiled by someone else, or you can spoil yourself.  Neither of which makes you the better person. In the end, indulgences are okay, like a sweet dessert during a special dinner.  But if you eat sweets all day, you’ll only grow fat and sick.  Indulge when you can, but do not allow yourself to be spoiled.  There may be disagreements from the other end, all is welcomed.

So control your desires. Appreciate what you have.  Don’t obsessively yearn for more and don’t ask for them from others.  The people in your life are there to support and help you grow as a person, not lavish you with gifts so you can shut up.  If you are a person who spoils, then do the recipient a favor and stop.  Gifts are special and for special occasions.  If you have the funds and means to spoil yourself and those around you, consider lavishing your love in other ways.  Just don’t build a habit of always expecting to be spoiled.

What do you think?  Are we more spoiled and is it okay?

It’s unfortunate that some relationships, no matter how great they were, are no longer that.  It doesn’t matter if you are a new couple, a couple that’s been together for a while, engaged or even married with children — there are some key things, if left unresolved, that can end relationships for good.

You have affairs. Clearly, if you’re seeking affection and attention from someone else, something’s not right in your “real” relationship.  Having a relationship or fling with another person could mean that you’re not ready to fully commit to your supposed significant other or that you just don’t love them enough — because clearly you’re not respecting your relationship with them.

You sleep in separate beds. If you live together but never go to sleep in the same bed, the gap between you is more than just distance.  Not being able to share the physical intimacy or even stand being next to someone this way spells trouble, especially if this has been going on for a while.

You argue more than you get along. Fights are normal because you are bound to have views that clash, but if you find yourself bickering more than laughing, then recognize it as another warning sign.  Fighting about the big issues will indicate your clashing foundations, but even arguing about the dumbest things, all the time, can indicate that you are not happy with each other.

The bad outweighs the good. In a struggling relationship, if you are able to see the positive and that helps you pull through, then great.  But if you start having trouble finding what makes your relationship worth it, it’s time to leave.  When your negative feelings and thoughts become too overwhelming, talk it over and if it can’t be resolved, walk away.

You can’t see the future with him. If you can’t picture growing old with him, or you aren’t able to think that far ahead, then ask yourself why.  If he’s too immature right now, or if you don’t feel you can see yourself happily with him when you are old, then it’s another sign that it’s over.  Don’t waste your time anymore and find someone else who can make that future happen.

You are embarrassed of each other. If you roll your eyes every time he speaks or hate the way he acts around your friends, the truth is that you lack respect for each other and probably harbor some contempt and resentment.  If you feel this way now, imagine how it will be ten years down the line.

You are not happy. That is the hugest red flag.  If that person cannot make you happy, then why are you with him?  We definitely control how we feel and can create our own happiness, but if we choose a life partner, then he better be able to also bring happiness into our lives instead of making us miserable.

Each relationship is different.  Some are able to work these things out and others aren’t.  Have the courage and strength to realize what you want, what makes you happy, and walk away if your needs are not met.  You only have one life to live.

When do you know it’s over?

There are bound to be disagreements and arguments with your friends, boyfriends, parents, and family members.  It’s normal to have different opinions; however, getting angry can lead to regrettable words that can truly hurt a relationship.  Here are ways to keep the relationship strong despite your differences.

Don’t be silent. The silent treatment can be awful.  You need to talk about what you are feeling and going through, and silence only creates a bigger problem instead of solving it.  So give that person a call and start making some resolutions.

Stay calm. Nothing hurts more than an angry slur of phrases and words that diminishes a person’s character or self-esteem.  You probably shouldn’t have said it and sometimes it’s not even true.  Take a few breaths and be the bigger person by keeping your tone down and speaking calmly.

Don’t hit below the belt. You can say that they are stupid, that they are immature, or that they are worth a little more than dirt, but how does that make anything better?  Stick to the discussion at hand and don’t take personal jabs at a person just because you know a weakness.  If the relationship is something you want to keep, then be careful of the words you say.

Listen. You may be right, but they can also have some good points too.  Don’t just ignore their side of the story and resume your self-righteousness.  It doesn’t lead to anywhere.

Be openminded and patient. Sometimes people need more time to understand what you are trying to say.  Don’t be surprised that a week or year from now they will say you were right all along.  People, when stubborn, need time to think and live through experiences before they are able to concede that perhaps they are wrong.  So be openminded and try to see it from their perspective. No one is like you, so no one can think like you do.

How are some ways you have handled fights?

Over time, even great friendships fail.  While the initial relationship was great, and you were able to spend every second together with the same bond that blood sisters would have, things have changed.  Or maybe they were never best friends to begin with.  Maybe we have to open our eyes to the true relationships in our lives and quit investing our time to those who do not appreciate it.  Here are ways to realize that this great friend of yours isn’t that great at all, and what to do about it.

She only focuses on herself. True friends share with each other their lives.  It is never a one way road.  Yes, she can vent about her awful day or a break up, but in the end, she also has to put interest in your life and your feelings.  If it is all “me, me, me,” then it will never be “us.”  There are friends out there whom you talk to and all you hear about is their lives and their views.  Those aren’t your best friends.  Best friends would never take all the attention.  Talk to her about how you are feeling and see if there are any changes in the future.  Approach without an attacking tone and really be sincere and not angry.

She neglects the time spent with you. If you two are planning a trip or going for a day out shopping, your best friend would spend the time talking and hanging out, with the activity as the medium for bonding.  When a best friend ditches you to scour sales racks or meets a guy at a bar and shuts you out, then a best friend she is not.  She is just being selfish and inconsiderate of you as a person and lacks respect that you deserve.  If an incident like this occurs too often, mention to her calmly that you feel she is not being a good friend.  Or if you are the culprit and have done this a few times, make sure it’s not repeated, and apologize for the times that it has been done.  Sometimes it may be forgivable, but most of the time it’s heinous.

She doesn’t call. Ever.  Red flag on this one.  If best friends are supposed to share and talk about every great and little thing, then communication is key.  If you are sad, you vent.  If you are happy, you share, but not gloat.  When you are always the one initiating the conversations or put a lot of effort to hunt down your friend who is too busy to put your friendship as a priority, then perhaps you have to re-prioritize your friends as well.

She’s constantly competitive and jealous. Stay away from this one.  Someone who is too self-conscious about herself and try to upshow you or gets jealous when great things happen to you is not a good friend.  A best friend will gush over your new shoes, help you find that perfect dinner to make your boyfriend, and tell you when a dress looks awful on you, because it matters.  People like this need to work on their own character instead of trying to be better than someone else for the sake of proving themselves.  Sure, envy is normal, but it gets out of hand when they glare at your new haircut or takes low jabs on your relationships.

These are only a few big red flags.  In the end, having a best friend should feel great. Yes, there are disagreements and misunderstandings, but great communication, trust and the ability to be generous with your time and emotions are true indicators of a lasting friendship.

Dating can get expensive.  The movies, the dinners, the flowers, the gifts, and huge phone bills can send our bank accounts reeling.  Here are some great ideas to still have a romantic time without going broke.

Dinner at home. Nothing is more sweet that having your honey come over for a home cooked meal.  Think of a great menu and prepare during a weekend.  Enjoy the delicious meal with wine and cuddle in bed the rest of the evening.

Rent a movie. What more could you want than having your special someone on the couch with fresh buttered popcorn in the quiet of your home?  Each of you can choose a film and you can watch both films in one night.  You can also have some warm chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven while the movie is going.

Go outside. Take a swim, go for a hike, play sports, or go fishing.  All of these activities make you healthier and stronger, as well as help you grow closer together (unless you are terribly competitive).

Potluck with friends. There is nothing more enjoyable than having great food at someone’s home and catching up on all the news.

Game night. Whip out Scrabble and Twister and stimulate your mind and body with a night of games.  Throw on some fun music and the night will fly by, leaving you both smiling.

Picnic at the park. Pack some delicious sandwiches, potato salad, cut up fruit and some wine and head to your favorite park.  Spend the day feeding each other, throwing a frisbee around, and be lazy.

Visit a museum. Find a nearby museum and soak in the arts and culture that awaits you.  Take turns sharing your favorite pieces and spend time just admiring all the wonderful creations in front of you.

Those were just a few.  What other ideas do you have for an inexpensive but fun date?

Modern culture is more open to interracial dating, but there are some cultures and older generations that oppose dating and marrying someone outside your race.  The people against it argue that there will be conflicts of interest as you grow older, from politics to religion to how to raise your children.  However, more and more relationships are crossing the racial lines and being with the person they truly love, regardless of their skin color.

The biggest problem I have faced with interracial dating is my parents’ reaction.  Raised by strict Asian parents, they have created an expectation that I will someday marry another Asian person, and all will be well.  Since I am currently dating a European, they constantly question my commitment, my feelings, and my chastity.  My dad hardly speaks of my boyfriend, and my mom always asks me to doubt my feelings and tries to introduce me to her Asian friends’ eligible sons.  Please.  Thanks, but no thanks.

I want to be with someone I care about, I connect with, and I can trust. If I have that, he can be white, yellow, brown, or purple.  Sure, there may be differences in background and culture, but being open minded is a key factor to happiness in today’s society.  And for those who oppose it, I say shove it.

What do you think?  Would you date outside your race?

Dating oftentimes comes with a lot of uncertainty, so instead of blindly wading through the flirting and courting, many people find it easier to just follow the “rules” of the trade.  Their guiding light?  Popular books like The Rules and He’s Just Not That Into You.  But are these books really alleviating the perplexities of dating or just making our relationships more confusing?  Here are a few of our own suggestions for those of you befuddled by love.

DON’T TAKE THE GAME TOO FAR
Flirting and teasing are all a part of the fun of dating… especially if it’s with someone new — but there’s a point where the pretentious games need to stop.  Rules like “don’t pick up the first time he calls,” “never talk to him for more than 10 minutes,” or “act like you’re busy when he asks you out” aren’t going to work in the long run.  Sure, if you want to test his persistence the first couple of times, sit idly by the phone while you wait for him to leave a voice message, but if he’s a good guy, don’t drag out the game.  A lot of good guys might just get fed up if you continue the pretentiousness.

STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE
The truth is going to come out sooner or later, so why not just start by being true to yourself.  I’ve seen girls disguise themselves with completely different persona when they go out with guys.  Instead of being comfortable with being their normal fun and goofy, they either turn aloof and prideful or, even worse, they suddenly have newfound hobbies and interests they actually have little knowledge of.  If he likes something, don’t pretend you do too.

IF YOU DON’T LIKE HIM, DON’T LEAD HIM ON
After a couple dates, most girls can generally decide whether they like a guy enough to go forth with a serious relationship.  If you don’t like him enough, don’t keep him around just to keep you company.  You’re just wasting your time and you’re energy — not to mention, his.  If you’re not looking for a serious relationship, but prefer the casual dating, be sure you make that clear from the onset.

BE HONEST, LIVE BY YOUR OWN RULES
Don’t feel compelled to fall to social conventions.  The most important “rule” to remember whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship is to be honest, to yourself and to him.  Lying of any sort (or at the worse, cheating) is not only stressful to you, it means you’re building your relationship on false pretenses.  And like most things, it’s difficult to go very far with a poor foundation.

So if you’re in the dating scene or looking to jump back in, just remember that “rules” may not be the best solution for you.  While knowing what the rules are can be entertaining, and occasionally helpful, bear in mind that you should never take these social conventions to the extreme.  You know yourself best and you should be command of your own happiness.

You love each other and you want to be with him.  But he’s not ready to take on new responsibilities or move the relationship forward.  Should you wait for him to grow up?

We are all immature in our early 20s, some more than others.  But if you are in a relationship in which you are already planning your career while he is still figuring out what he wants to do, or if you want marriage and he still wants to hang with the guys and not think about vows, then there will be issues.  You will feel unsettled or unsure where he will be or what he will become.  Resentment will start to develop.  Unless he is aware of your needs, he may never put effort into growing into the person he can be.  What’s more important is if he even wants to grow.  Maybe he wants to enjoy these years and not worry about all of life’s responsibilities until later.  Maybe he isn’t ready to grow up.

You have the choice to stay with someone who is not yet where you want him to be or where he potentially can be, but does he want to be that person as well?  That is the main question.  Listen to what he wants, and ask if he thinks he will change.  He can say he won’t change at this moment, but everybody changes in time, especially when views were made at a young age.  I have met countless men in their late 20s and early 30s who are happily married, but never dreamed they would ever settle down five years ago.

If your values are very different, then the truth is that perhaps you are not right for each other. The time is not right.  The tough part is separating and making that final move to break up.  No matter how much you care for each other or how much love and history you have shared, if there are fundamental differences in your values, you may be setting yourself up for unhappiness.  Really put time aside to think of these difficult issues and where you want to be.  Talk to each other and communicate each others’ needs and future goals.  By doing that, you can both make a mature decision to part ways or wait it out.

I don’t have the answer, but I’ve been through similar situations.  In most circumstances, the guy was just not ready.  Not ready for commitment, not ready for taking on responsibilities, and not ready for marriage.  Since I was ready for moving forward, I did what I had to do.  I left and never looked back.  Without spending time thinking about what he was going to do, I focused on what I was going to do.  In doing so, I was able to grow myself and be the best I could be.  I didn’t want to wait for someone to grow up.  I wanted someone who is already there with me.

While I have left relationships where I finally realized that he will not make me happy, there are other times where I waited and positive things did come out of being patient.  Not everyone would do what I have done.  Sometimes being patient and supportive can lead to positive change.  But when you are unhappy or resentful of another person’s inability to meet their full potential, then you are only holding yourself back from true happiness.

Under what circumstances would you wait for your man to grow up and for how long? Or were you the one who needed to grow up?

So you have been together a while and the sex was great initially.  But then you got all comfortable with each other.  While the love has grown, the lust, passion, and excitement has settled. It’s not a bad thing, just a normal part of some relationships.  If you have been with your significant other for a long time and still have oodles of sexual energy, do share with us your secrets.  For the rest of you, here are some positive tips.

Scores of studies have been done proving that regular sexual intercourse with your partner will provide good health benefits.  From burning more calories (it sure beats stomach crunches every morning) to improving your immune system, regular sex can also create a lasting relationship. If you are feeling good, then the sex is good right?  Here are ways to put more sex into your love life (taking all the necessary precautions of course).

Dress up Sometimes you get so comfortable with each other that you forgot to be sexy.  Sorry to say, but those baggy pajamas with doggy prints are not that “come hither.”  Try to wear those special lace undies more often or those revealing silk shorts.  Visual stimulation will lead to other, ahem, stimulation.

Set up a time Whether it is date night or literally a slot of time that says “sex with my  honey,” putting time to do the deed may just be the trick.  Then you are free to spend the time in bed, have some chocolates and wine, and get down to business.

Create the mood Nothing shrinks a boner more than constantly nagging the poor guy about laundry, dishes, or what you want for your birthday.  Set the mood by lighting candles, having some wine, dimming the lights, being alluring and adorable.  For the guy, don’t push it too much.  Be subtle, touch her gently, soft kisses, and don’t forget the foreplay before you head for the homerun.  Pace yourself.  It’s not a race but special time for each other.

Be spontaneous Sometimes you just have to jump out of the slump and just jump your lover.  Act like that person is all you want.  Be playful, be dashing.  Do it in the kitchen.  Adding some new elements will spark the sexual drive.

So tear your eyes from this computer and tear into your lover.  Have fun, be happy, and truly cherish that person in you.

With Facebook, Myspace, and all the other social networking websites out there, it’s flattering to know that we can easily have 300+ people in our friend’s list. But when it comes to having friends we can trust and rely on, the number rapidly dwindles. What’s most important, however, is that we’re able to identify these close relationships in our lives, and to know whom to trust and confide in when we need it most. Here are a few things I suggest you consider when evaluating the good friendships in your life.

They know what’s going on in your life. Caring about how you’re doing and wanting to stay updated on what’s going on in your life is a sign of a dedicated friend. Let’s admit it, we’re all busy and it’s very easy to become submerged in our own lives. When we fret or need an ear, we turn to the people closest to us — and despite how busy their lives may be, they’ll make time for us. And they will find out about it from us personally, not through our online statuses.

Distance doesn’t matter. Good relationships don’t all need to be in the same town. While you may not be able to speak to a long-distance friend everyday, a good friend will make effort to stay in touch, to give you updates, and to learn how you’re doing. This is the type of friend you can talk to less frequently, but whenever you guys do get a chance to gab — it’s never awkward and never restrained.

They give genuine advice. When a good friend gives you advice it’s done so with your best interest in mind. You should never have to worry that there’s a hidden, second agenda. Even if you don’t agree with your friend’s advice, at least you know it’s genuine and heart-to-heart.   A good friend will tell you the truth, even if it hurts.

Time is irrelevant. How long you’ve known a person is not always the best indication of your friendship with them. Friendships, like all relationships, can change over time. We need to acknowledge when friendships change and shift our trust and loyalty accordingly. It’s unfortunate when old friendships eclipse to time, especially since it’s precisely these friendships that we expect to withstand anything and everything. Surprisingly, you may find yourself turning to a friend you’ve known for a much shorter time, if this friend understands and cares to help you through whatever you’re going through.

Most importantly, they’re there for you. When crap hits the fan, and you need a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand, your good friends will do what they can to be there for you. Whether it’s to sit through your sob-fest or to drive you to the ER, you know these are the friends you can call upon.

It’s important to know who our good friends are and to remind ourselves of how lucky we are to have these friendships. These friends will offer you the moral and physical support to get you through the worse of times and they’ll be there to rejoice and laugh with you through the best of times. Just remember, friendships work both ways. If you’re lucky enough to have such close friendships, don’t neglect being a good friend yourself!