2008 | The Conscious Snob

Stressful Holidays are for the Stupid

Nov 20th, 2008 | By Style Snob | Category: Spotlight

Rating 4.00 out of 5

holidayshopping4 Stressful Holidays are for the Stupid It’s that time of year again. The shopping, the wrapping, the long lines, the major sales, the last-minute gifts, and…the empty wallets. Not only can holiday shopping be stressful on the body, it can put strain on the bank if you don’t plan according — especially in this economy. But we shouldn’t let the current recession inhibit the spirit and generosity of the holidays. With a little bit of creativity and some timely organization, it is possible to show your appreciation and love without the anxiety. Here are a few ways to make your holiday gift-giving fabulous and stress-free.

Make a list. You really do not have to give a gift to everyone you know. Make a list of the key people you truly want to give something special to and spend time now to think about what to give them. By preparing early, you can really find a gift that they love instead of one that will be returned or, gasp, re-gifted. If your mom has been talking about wanting those pearl earrings, start researching where to get them and order them early. If your boyfriend is in desperate need of a wardrobe makeover, give him some key pieces to start him off to a stylish new year. For the best friend who has everything, personalize a gift by decorating a beautiful frame with a great photo of the both of you, or give her a gift certificate to her favorite store. Get the gifts, wrap them as you get them, and set them aside until the time to give is here. By starting now and collecting gifts slowly, you avoid the long lines and stress of last-minute gifts.

Create a budget. And stick to it. In the midst of the holiday season, our graciousness and generosity may move us to buy the newest and hottest items for the people we love. But economic times are tough, and now is time to be conscious of your spending. Set a limit to how much you are going to spend on each person and stick to it. Love has no price limit, but your checking account sure does. The holidays are more about being with the people you love, not spending the rest of the new year paying off your credit card debt.

Have small “everybody” gifts. For the people in your life whom you are well-acquainted with, but not good enough friends for the hassle of individual gifts, choose a small, signature holiday gift that you can give en mass. Pick a favorite book and wrap a bunch of them with some homemade cookies. Or stuff small stockings with treats and $5-10 gift cards. For the ladies, another good idea is to fill fun makeup bags with travel-size lotions and body washes. These gifts are also great to have on hand in case you accidentally forget somebody. Just make sure you remember to add that person to your list next year, or splurge for their birthday.

Set a weekend in early December to write all your cards. Block out an afternoon in your calendar to strictly write cards. Prepare ahead of time. Have the cards, the address book, the stamps, the pens and fun stickers all set on the table. Add some hot chocolate and a warm cashmere blanket, and make that time an opportunity to really send them your wishes instead of a hastened and sloppy note. Then, send them out ASAP.

Remember, start now and finish way ahead of everyone else. This way you can leave the last few weeks of the holidays to truly enjoying time with family, friends, and loved ones.

Close Bookmark and Share This Page

Save to Browser Favorites / Bookmarks

Email This to a Friend

Copy HTML:

If you like this then please subscribe to the RSS Feed.

Powered by Bookmarkify™

More »

To Be Or Not To Be Friends With Benefits?

Nov 12th, 2008 | By Sexy Snob | Category: Features

Rating 4.33 out of 5

Who does the dishes? Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with someone without the emotional involvement, and is it healthy?

Usually called “friends with benefits,” “casual relationships,” or (forgive the profanity) “f*ck buddies,” these terms are used to define two people who choose to have a sexual relationship without the formality and commitment of a serious relationship. It can be monogamous, long-term, or sporadic. Why do these relationships exist? For people who mutually want the casual intimacy without the full responsibilities and drama that can come with commitment. Whether it’s a lack of commitment or a lack of interest, these casual relationships have worked for some — but will it work for you?

You may be considering venturing into this because you want your sexual desires fulfilled without having to deal with feelings, or perhaps you know you don’t want to commit to the person because he’s not the guy you ultimately want to be with. Your “f*ck buddy” is your temporary, no-strings-attached, quick solution for physical intimacy. As Carrie stated in the second season of Sex and the City as she contemplated her own casual relationship:

“A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn’t really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of… keep him on call.”

But before you experiment with this transient relationship, make sure you ask yourself whether it’s really the route to go? And, what happens if you actually want to be in a relationship, but not with this “friend”?

Many people have successfully had a “friends with benefit” relationship, but some have also found it hard to have such intimacy without any prospect of a future together. Emotions can naturally generate from sex because it’s hard to disconnect sex and the feelings of attachment that can eventually occur. As Helen Fisher describes in her book Why We Love?, the chemistry behind love and sex can be difficult to repress.

“Stroking and massage trigger the production of oxytocin and the endorphins, brain chemicals that can relax and produce feelings of attachment. [...] And with orgasm, the brain releases oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men — chemicals associated with feelings of attachment.”

Studies discussed by the New York Times have shown that people initiate these “friends with benefits” relationships to create a safe environment where no commitment was needed. However, most people end up growing fear that they will start having feelings that will not be reciprocated. One person might end up becoming more attracted to the other, and this builds stress into a relationship that should have been otherwise “carefree.”

More prevalent on college campuses, many young adults are choosing the casual route as well. In Hooking Up, Kathleen Bogle, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University, provides insight on the casual sex trend that is taking place in a lot of colleges, stating that campus life promotes this behavior, diminishes the tradition of true relationships, and how it will negatively impact the emotional well-being of the people involved in this behavior.

Short term relationships that are strictly physical without the emotional attachment may work, but long term relationships seem most unhealthy. If someone has spent months or years with a friend purely for sexual satisfaction without true commitment, it robs each person from the potential of real love. Unless the person truly believes they will never want a committed relationship, feelings will be hurt, and drama will arise. CNN wrote a piece last month about how to properly pursue a casual relationship, and it includes no real conversation, no real meals together, and no socializing — a truly detached relationship. These tips help decrease any emotional involvement, but does not guarantee it.

If you find yourself in this situation, consider these questions before you get too involved. Remember, it’s your heart at stake.

How long do I see this going for?
Do I eventually want to be in a relationship?
Do I really want a committed person as opposed to just a “friend”?
How would I feel if the other party started a new relationship with someone else?
Can this relationship go back to “normal” after we quit the sex?

Casual relationships can be fun and playful initially, but tread carefully. It’s easy to see that a drama and commitment-free relationship can yield a lot of satisfaction, but it would also be irresponsible to not see the emotional consequences.

Where do you stand on “friends with benefits?”

Close Bookmark and Share This Page

Save to Browser Favorites / Bookmarks

Email This to a Friend

Copy HTML:

If you like this then please subscribe to the RSS Feed.

Powered by Bookmarkify™

More »

Help Dress Women for Success

Nov 4th, 2008 | By Beauty Snob | Category: Features, Spotlight

Rating 4.00 out of 5

dresssuccess4 Help Dress Women for Success It’s a tough economy and looking for a job is more difficult than ever, especially for disadvantaged women who don’t have the leisure of choosing which pantsuit to throw on for an interview. Not having the proper attire oftentimes becomes another barrier to entering the work force and starting a new life for these women. While some of us are lucky enough to reach into our closets for that Michael Kors suit or Christian Louboutin heels, there are thousands of women who qualify for jobs but just don’t have the means to dress for their jobs. This is where organizations like Dress For Success lend a helping hand.

Dress For Success started in 1997 in New York City, but it has since become an international non-profit organization serving more than 40,000 women each year. The objective of the organization is simple: help disadvantaged women get the jobs they deserve. Dress For Success offers several levels of help to women, but their forte is providing women initially with attire that is appropriate for their interviews. Upon securing a job, women can return to Dress For Success for additional clothing and accessories to start their new job with a versatile, professional wardrobe.

The next level of help that Dress For Success offers is their Professional Women’s Group (PWG) Program, which provides continued support and mentorship to the women. The program is lifelong and allows its members to attend meetings to benefit their career retention and development. In addition to the PWG Program, there’s also the Dress For Success Career Center to offer career guidance, resume writing lessons, and interview preparation to help women overcome some of the more daunting tasks in job-searching.

Moved by their cause? You can help. Donate your old pantsuits to organization by dropping it off at a local affiliate or hold a Suit Drive at your office or neighborhood. Still feel like you want to do more? You can always donate money or spread the word. So suit up and go solicit some suits!

——————————————————————–

Are you in the Bay Area? Join us at our first Wine & Cheese Charity Accessories Drive. On behalf of Dress for Success, we’re collecting women’s scarves, shoes, purses, watches, jewelry and other business-suitable accessories.

All donations will benefit the San Francisco Dress for Success to help clothe disadvantaged women so that they can attain the confidence and proper attire to successfully interview and launch their careers.

So bring your accessories and your friends and come enjoy the evening with us! RSVP NOW

Date/Time: Sunday, Nov. 16, 2008, 5pm - 7pm

Location: The Palo Alto Wine Room

Address: 520 Ramona Street, Palo Alto, CA 94301

RSVP NOW