Should You Wait for Your Man to Grow Up?

Oct 5th, 2008 | By Sexy Snob | Category: Sex, Love, Relationships

Rating 3.00 out of 5

growth4 Should You Wait for Your Man to Grow Up?

You love each other and you want to be with him. But he’s not ready to take on new responsibilities or move the relationship forward. Should you wait for him to grow up?

We are all immature in our early 20s, some more than others. But if you are in a relationship in which you are already planning your career while he is still figuring out what he wants to do, or if you want marriage and he still wants to hang with the guys and not think about vows, then there will be issues. You will feel unsettled or unsure where he will be or what he will become. Resentment will start to develop. Unless he is aware of your needs, he may never put effort into growing into the person he can be. What’s more important is if he even wants to grow. Maybe he wants to enjoy these years and not worry about all of life’s responsibilities until later. Maybe he isn’t ready to grow up.

You have the choice to stay with someone who is not yet where you want him to be or where he potentially can be, but does he want to be that person as well? That is the main question. Listen to what he wants, and ask if he thinks he will change. He can say he won’t change at this moment, but everybody changes in time, especially when views were made at a young age. I have met countless men in their late 20s and early 30s who are happily married, but never dreamed they would ever settle down five years ago.

If your values are very different, then the truth is that perhaps you are not right for each other. The time is not right. The tough part is separating and making that final move to break up. No matter how much you care for each other or how much love and history you have shared, if there are fundamental differences in your values, you may be setting yourself up for unhappiness. Really put time aside to think of these difficult issues and where you want to be. Talk to each other and communicate each others’ needs and future goals. By doing that, you can both make a mature decision to part ways or wait it out.

I don’t have the answer, but I’ve been through similar situations. In most circumstances, the guy was just not ready. Not ready for commitment, not ready for taking on responsibilities, and not ready for marriage. Since I was ready for moving forward, I did what I had to do. I left and never looked back. Without spending time thinking about what he was going to do, I focused on what I was going to do. In doing so, I was able to grow myself and be the best I could be. I didn’t want to wait for someone to grow up. I wanted someone who is already there with me.

While I have left relationships where I finally realized that he will not make me happy, there are other times where I waited and positive things did come out of being patient. Not everyone would do what I have done. Sometimes being patient and supportive can lead to positive change. But when you are unhappy or resentful of another person’s inability to meet their full potential, then you are only holding yourself back from true happiness.

Under what circumstances would you wait for your man to grow up and for how long? Or were you the one who needed to grow up?

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