What to Ask in Every Relationship

Jul 31st, 2008 | By Wise Snob | Category: Sex, Love, Relationships

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chairs When in a relationship, it initially is a very happy time. Things are going well, there are endless meetings where you have fun and are just so in love. The flaws we noticed in the beginning weren’t really problems and we don’t really think about them. But once a relationship hits serious ground (like engagement or moving in together), or when a relationship hits its first big speed bump, we have to stop and wonder if this is really the person we should be with? No matter how old you are and whatever stage of relationship you are in, you must ask yourself these questions to ensure a successful relationship. I suggest both of you to answer these questions truthfully and separately and then comparing your answers. I’m not a relationship guru, but I feel these are important issues to bring up.

What do you want in a relationship? By answering this question, you can really see what you want. Forget who you are with right now, and just think about what things you need to make you happy. Whether it’s security, love, attention, just be honest with yourself.

What do you want from your significant other: emotionally, physically, financially? Now, think specifically about what you want from your significant other to make you happy. Some people believe that we are our own drivers of our happiness, which is true. But you need to be with someone who is in sync with who you are as well, or you will be doomed.

Describe the person you see yourself married to. This may be far into the future for some, or in the near future. By knowing the type of person you want to marry, you can weed out the people that come into your life that do not fit who you want to spend your life with.

What are some of your own flaws? This is very important. It’s great to dream of Mr. Perfect, but remember that you are not perfect either. See what things your boyfriend may find negative about you, and realize your imperfections. Are you willing to change yourself or are these habits that will stick? If he loves you, he will love you despite these flaws. And vice versa.

What are his flaws? And can you love him despite these flaws?

What makes you happy? Is it a quiet evening at home, being with family, or going shopping? Really spend time on this one– the answer may be long, but hopefully you start to assess what makes you feel good about life. It’s your happiness, so lay it out. Here is an article on how to be happy.

What do you want in your life 5 years from now? 10 Years? By thinking towards the future, regardless of who you are with, you can see if your boyfriend will fit into your picture of the future. If you see yourself married with two kids, and he wants to focus on his career and not marry yet, then there are going to be problems.

How do you see your life when you retire? Your idea of retirement may be different from his. So think about your own long term goals and see if they correlate with his.

Again, these are just questions to ask, and people will change. You may have different ideas and goals later on as you get older, but knowing what you want now is also important. If your values and goals are currently on a different level, then it will be hard to see things the same way, and there will be more problems and arguments ahead if you aren’t on the same page.

What are some relationship questions and advice you have taken and given?