It seems like everyone is in a relationship… but you. You have a great circle of friends, an awesome job, and you take care of yourself.  But there doesn’t seem to be a single person out there that you click with.  Here are some possible reasons that may keep you from a relationship.

You are too busy. When we have agendas filled with countless tasks, a job that keeps us busy even on weekends, and a bunch of errands, it’s hard to put time into meeting people.  Plus, if your personality is always focused on getting things done and you put on an “I’m too busy for you” image, even friends feel bad to take up your time.  People who may want to be with you end up feeling a bit intimidated by your busy schedule and refrain from asking you out.  Even when busy, you can meet a lot of people in cafes, restaurants, and even the gym.  Don’t be so absorbed in your Blackberry that you ignore that cutie sitting across from you.

You don’t believe you will find someone. With an attitude like “I’ll never find love,” you end up wallowing in self-pitying and creating a low self-esteem for yourself.  You set up your own failure in relationships due to lack of confidence.  If you haven’t heard of “The Secret,” you really need to start rocking a positive attitude so people can feel the love in you.  Believe that you are worth it and that you can find someone.  Love yourself and the right person will come at the right time.

You have to always be right. If your attitude is always about what you want and need, then there is no room for another person in your life.  Being in a relationship is about sharing your life with another person and compromising during all sorts of disagreements.  Nobody wants to be with another person who only focuses on themselves and is inconsiderate of others.  Learn to be open, giving and generous in order to open your heart to someone else instead of being just in love with yourself.

You want it too badly. If you spend all your time on match-making websites and talk constantly to your family and friends about needing a boyfriend or girlfried so badly, it gets a bit revolting.  People you date can smell that scent of desperation and run the other direction.  Focus on working out, advancing your career, and channeling your energy towards self-improvement instead of having a “plus-one.”  Good relationships happen when you least expect it.

You are too picky. Sometimes setting standards too high may end up hurting your potential future in romance.  Being too judgmental or critical about their movie or food choices is a small thing.  Mr. Right does not exist.  There will always be those red flags that tell you he is wrong for you, but rethink what you really want in a person in regards to attitude, character, future plans, and how he treats his family.  Don’t nix a guy because he has funny hair (it grows out), a weird laugh (it can become endearing), or an affinity for odd hobbies (it can actually be enjoyable)!  Sometimes you will find that the guy you end up falling in love with has all the traits you never knew you’d always wanted.

You choose to be. Finally, a reason why you are single is because you choose to be.  Instead of trying to find Mr. Right, you are working on your own goals in life and career.  You are not so concerned with the pressure of finding a mate, but rather, you believe in being patient and investing in a relationship that’s really going to last.  You don’t want to just settle down; you want to explore life without a commitment that you are not ready for.  And you know what?  That is absolutely fabulous.  Don’t do what you think you are supposed to do, but do what you believe is right for yourself.  And if it doesn’t involve an engagement ring or the perfect two story home, so be it.

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Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with someone without the emotional involvement, and is it healthy?

Usually called “friends with benefits,” “casual relationships,” or (forgive the profanity) “f*ck buddies,” these terms are used to define two people who choose to have a sexual relationship without the formality and commitment of a serious relationship.  It can be monogamous, long-term, or sporadic.  Why do these relationships exist? For people who mutually want the casual intimacy without the full responsibilities and drama that can come with commitment.  Whether it’s a lack of commitment or a lack of interest, these casual relationships have worked for some — but will it work for you?

You may be considering venturing into this because you want your sexual desires fulfilled without having to deal with feelings, or perhaps you know you don’t want to commit to the person because he’s not the guy you ultimately want to be with.  Your “f*ck buddy” is your temporary, no-strings-attached, quick solution for physical intimacy. As Carrie stated in the second season of Sex and the City as she contemplated her own casual relationship:

“A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn’t really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of… keep him on call.”

But before you experiment with this transient relationship, make sure you ask yourself whether it’s really the route to go? And, what happens if you actually want to be in a relationship, but not with this “friend”?

Many people have successfully had a “friends with benefit” relationship, but some have also found it hard to have such intimacy without any prospect of a future together.  Emotions can naturally generate from sex because it’s hard to disconnect sex and the feelings of attachment that can eventually occur.  As Helen Fisher describes in her book Why We Love?, the chemistry behind love and sex can be difficult to repress.

“Stroking and massage trigger the production of oxytocin and the endorphins, brain chemicals that can relax and produce feelings of attachment. [...] And with orgasm, the brain releases oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men — chemicals associated with feelings of attachment.”

Studies discussed by the New York Times have shown that people initiate these “friends with benefits” relationships to create a safe environment where no commitment was needed.  However, most people end up growing fear that they will start having feelings that will not be reciprocated.  One person might end up becoming more attracted to the other, and this builds stress into a relationship that should have been otherwise “carefree.”

More prevalent on college campuses, many young adults are choosing the casual route as well.  In Hooking Up, Kathleen Bogle, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University, provides insight on the casual sex trend that is taking place in a lot of colleges, stating that campus life promotes this behavior, diminishes the tradition of true relationships, and how it will negatively impact the emotional well-being of the people involved in this behavior.

Short term relationships that are strictly physical without the emotional attachment may work, but long term relationships seem most unhealthy.  If someone has spent months or years with a friend purely for sexual satisfaction without true commitment, it robs each person from the potential of real love.  Unless the person truly believes they will never want a committed relationship, feelings will be hurt, and drama will arise.  CNN wrote a piece last month about how to properly pursue a casual relationship, and it includes no real conversation, no real meals together, and no socializing — a truly detached relationship.  These tips help decrease any emotional involvement, but does not guarantee it.

If you find yourself in this situation, consider these questions before you get too involved.  Remember, it’s your heart at stake.

• How long do I see this going for?
• Do I eventually want to be in a relationship?
• Do I really want a committed person as opposed to just a “friend”?
• How would I feel if the other party started a new relationship with someone else?
• Can this relationship go back to “normal” after we quit the sex?

Casual relationships can be fun and playful initially, but tread carefully.  It’s easy to see that a drama and commitment-free relationship can yield a lot of satisfaction, but it would also be irresponsible to not see the emotional consequences.

Where do you stand on “friends with benefits?”

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Every household is different but living with your significant other surely will bring issues regarding housekeeping.  In some homes, couples split the chores.  In other homes, the women do all the housework.  Then there are those who opt to hire maids and housekeepers to take care of the dirty work for them.  Where do you stand?

There should be a balance on who does what and, most importantly, there needs to be a compromise.  If you feel you are doing way too much, don’t hesitate to voice that you need help.  There is a thin line between being a significant other and a maid, especially if you are living with your boyfriend/husband.  Figure out a system where both of you can contribute.  This prevents developing resentment and allows you guys to avoid nasty words like “nag,” or worse yet, “mom.”  If both of you work full-time, then chores should be shared.  Look at both of your schedules and the amount of free time you guys each have — then divide housework accordingly.

Physical limitations also effect the chores you do. If you have a back problem, perhaps he should help with groceries or taking out the trash.  Having a new manicure is no excuse.  Suck it up, put on some gloves, and wash those dishes.  Make the most of your skills.  If you’re more savvy with budgeting and finances, then you can take care of the bills and overall spending while he cleans the cars.

In the end, your relationship is more important than who cooks dinner.  It’s about figuring out what works for both of you, putting effort into making one another happy, and making each other feel special.  This is the person you are choosing to be with, through thick and thin, laundry and dusting.

Again, where do you stand?

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It’s unfortunate that some relationships, no matter how great they were, are no longer that.  It doesn’t matter if you are a new couple, a couple that’s been together for a while, engaged or even married with children — there are some key things, if left unresolved, that can end relationships for good.

You have affairs. Clearly, if you’re seeking affection and attention from someone else, something’s not right in your “real” relationship.  Having a relationship or fling with another person could mean that you’re not ready to fully commit to your supposed significant other or that you just don’t love them enough — because clearly you’re not respecting your relationship with them.

You sleep in separate beds. If you live together but never go to sleep in the same bed, the gap between you is more than just distance.  Not being able to share the physical intimacy or even stand being next to someone this way spells trouble, especially if this has been going on for a while.

You argue more than you get along. Fights are normal because you are bound to have views that clash, but if you find yourself bickering more than laughing, then recognize it as another warning sign.  Fighting about the big issues will indicate your clashing foundations, but even arguing about the dumbest things, all the time, can indicate that you are not happy with each other.

The bad outweighs the good. In a struggling relationship, if you are able to see the positive and that helps you pull through, then great.  But if you start having trouble finding what makes your relat